about the webmaster

17y/o she/they leftist IT/design bisexual aro(?) uni student

big list of everything i've ever been even vaguely interested in, in no particular order

the mysterious benedict society (book + TV show), serial experiments lain, buffy the vampire slayer, genshin impact, honkai star rail, soulwinder (webtoon), for tracy hyde, the french dispatch, k-pop (hover for stan list most -> least), disco elysium, world of horror, grishaverse, carve the mark series, bones, criminal minds, bullet journalling, toploader deco, the poetry of richard james allen, typography, interactive/hypertext fiction, jorge luis borges' labyrinths, nausea by jean-paul sartre, horizon: zero dawn, the tomb raider (2013) series, neon genesis evangelion, animal crossing, persona 5, video editing, singing, never have i ever (TV), lexie liu, grimes, bôa, frou frou/imogen heap in general, dreampop, uk garage, deep house, kakegurui, haikyuu, sk8 the infinity, collecting jang wonyoung and ive albums, UX design principles, grammar and syntax, hatsune miku, assassin's creed odyssey, kikuo, deco*27, mori kei fashion, cinnamoroll, alien (movie), cloverfield (movie), everything everywhere all at once, photoshop, the stanley parable, crypt of the necrodancer, dokidoki literature club, ashnikko, beabadoobee, learning kpop dances, ponyo, howl's moving castle, bungo stray dogs, brooklyn 99, my little pony, adventure time, dark (TV), dune, the good place, gilmore girls, the witcher (TV), violet evergarden, do androids dream of electric sheep by philip k. dick, the dark knight. more to come.

hit me up shawty

discord - s3lky#4623

credits

neocities, for hosting the site. twine, which i used to make the interlude pages.

manifesto

this is entirely unnecessary. it's a combination of ego, trauma, and spite that makes me not only write this but also post it. i feel like i have to justify this site to myself and everyone who sees it so that i'm not. uhhhhh. i don't know. 'frivolous'. that's not it but i'm not in a psychoanalysis mood. at least not a very deep one.

i'm a person with a set of very diverse interests. i tend to flit around from one thing to the other, adopting something as my 'main hobby' for a while before losing interest in it and letting it fall to the wayside. i'm not so deluded as to think i'm alone in this. i'm sure this happens to everyone. the misfortune in this comes with my CRIPPLING thing for praise. i feel like i commodify every piece of art that i make, and if i don't receive any feedback on it, then the making of it feels not worth it, somehow. i've been (valiantly) trying to fight this off by creating things just for myself - things that are bad and/or horny and/or evil and that should never see the light of day.

the way feedback works is that one wants lots of it. the dopeamine cycle that social media can hook you on is actually insane, and as someone with addiction in my family i hate the feeling of being out of control. alcohol, drugs, caffeine, i pretty much refuse outright. so it bothers me that i can't apply this philosophy to things like sugar and the internet and nail-biting/scalp-picking. it's not a great success if you can only resist addiction to things you don't like. so inevitably, whenever i start a new social media account to share a new hobby i've picked up with 'the world', i end up optimizing my 'content' for validation when i told myself i wasn't going to focus on that this time. maybe i'm competitive by nature. part of this 'optimization' is streamlining content - people don't like it when the page they're following posts a bunch of different unrelated shit. so i ended up focusing on one thing 50% of the time and getting burnt out fast, and not being able to share the other 50% with anyone.

this is kind of an attempt at self-restraint. like lt. katsuragi this is my one cigarette a night as i pore over my case files. it's also a complete personality and interest vomit. i'm putting everything on here, and if you don't like it, get fucked. maybe i should stop changing myself for other people. maybe i should stop being such a people-pleaser. shit.

i very much care about whether people value my opinions or not. if they don't then i need to stop being an egotistic prick, but if they do then maybe this is kinda warranted. there's a reason movie critics and the like exist. on the one hand i see myself as a little ratgirl with disjointed thoughts and on the other, i'm god. there are two wolves, etc., etc. we're going to be here a while.

speaking practically about the function of this website before i get too lost in the sauce: i want to be able to overshare on the internet without /actually/ oversharing, so i'm going to be attempting to de-identify myself as much as possible. i want to share everything that i'm interested in ever without worrying whether people will like it or not (or whether it will ruin my engagement. fuck that's depressing). and i want to find people who think like me and like the same things as me. since i started university i've been so lonely and the thoughts are starting to creep in again. so please (literally begging) if any of my rambling resonates with you or if you even like the same obscure shit as me hit me up!!

i just realised that if you inspect this site's code you're gonna find a WHOLE load of silly. wack.